What does mental health feel like?

                                                                                                   Poems

                                                                                                Kate Laing

 

For this project, I wrote poems on how mental health feels and what it looks like from different perspectives such as a perspective from a loved one, a frienemie and a distant peer. I chose to break up my poems into different perspectives because I wanted to show how mental illness is viewed differently by all kinds of people and show how mental illness isn’t just one feeling or view.

 

Poem 1: Perspective from loved one.

 

Please.

 

You, victim I look upon.

Afar I see you wearing a mask,

Hiding the real you.

A smile stretching ear to ear,

Looks real to anyone

Like a surrealistic photograph.

Covering your invisible scars, 

I see that smile.

Up close I don’t recognize your mortality.

I view your talent.

Your capacity to keep up your visage.

A face so pure and beautiful,

Yet a mind so fragile and trapped.

Please, I beg you, come back to me.

A road for you I lay out.

But you, take a path so dark.

Your corrupt yet innocent self,

Blind to the light ahead.

Please, I’m here.

Express that fog in your head.

Child, you aren’t alone.

Forgive yourself,  

For you have done nothing.

Captured you are

But I can’t tell it’s you.

We once played,

in the green grass,

I on the other side of the fence,

You consumed by doctor’s diagnosis.

Please, come back to me. 

You are not broken.

Just lost,

Like a four leaf clover.

Please, come back home.

Your roots are deep, 

You are not what your thoughts spit out.

You are what you forgot,

And what your mind says you are not.

Please, from the outside looking in,

I see you, come back to you and me again.

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This poem is from the perspective of a loved one and is about seeing a person you love change into someone you don’t even recognize because they have a mental illness taking over their mind. The mental illness came out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s because of a chemical imbalance or some type of personal change or trauma that happened in one’s life. The green nature represents a deep connection between people while green is a color for good. When someone’s roots are deep they have a strong connection to the world and people around them, but when their grass is no longer green that means they are on the other side of the fence that isn’t as green, while everyone else they love is on the better side and they are ultimately alone. This relates to the phrase, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” You also see the word, “four leaf clover” which represents luck. People with a mental illness feel unlucky, because it is hard to have hope and see the light at the end of the tunnel just like it is hard to find a four-leaf clover. This poem also uses words like “child” and “past” which are used to show how things are better when we are younger because we don’t have many things bothering our younger selves, it’s a time when there was nothing to worry about. The poem also shows how loved ones reach out to help, but sometimes those suffering from mental illness don’t always want help, because they feel trapped. This poem also talks about how one’s mind takes over their whole being and it’s hard to believe anything but their thoughts. You see constant reassurance from the loved one telling them it’s okay and to come back to them and to not believe what their mind says. It’s hard to not trust yourself, because if you can’t trust yourself how can you trust anything? That’s why it’s so hard to get out of a mental illness, because you have to admit you need help and can’t trust your own mind.

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Poem 2: Perspective from the mentally ill.

 

My Frienemie

 

They say keep your enemies close.

I sit in my dark room.

I think and curl into a ball.

I, you consume.

Stuck in your comfort I am.

But my reality,

A nightmare I need woken from, 

Is your immortality.

As my brain comes undone.

I have to run.

But I can’t today,

As you are no fun.

As I must keep thy enemy close.

You, brain.

I, us. 

Stay out of my lane.

Your dark covers my light,

Like a solar eclipse.

Your thoughts I fight,

As home I am far.

And close to you I be,

As I look for the light.

Unfortunately.

All I see is you,

Needing to be right.

I am alone and blue.

Suffering alongside my enemy

Close I am to,

Yet so far gone.

My smile hides from you.

My visible visage is a lie.

This fake face of mine.

Seen I need to be.

Unrecognizable to my line.

In place I stay,

No matter the distance,

A leech you are

Despite your non-resistance.

I can’t survive this enemy,

But close I remain.

As you spit the words I buy.

So please, you must refrain.
 

This poem is about someone who has a mental illness attacking their brain, but no matter how much they hate it’s comforts it remains close. The phrase, “keep your enemies closer,” comes to play in the poem, because the mental illness is one’s enemy yet it is what is closest to the mentally ill, because it feels impossible to leave it. My favorite part in the poem is where it says, “I, us” which means that the I is no longer that person because it is taken over by the illness which has now made that person an us. 

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Poem 3: Perspective from distant peer

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Today, Yesterday, Tomorrow.

 

Today.

Scooting together.

News coming off thy lips,

Telling all he is with heaven’s angels.

Hearing a silence so loud,

Deafening it is.

No one wants to hear.

Reactions different for all.

Whether it be laughter or wailing.

While I with some, in shock.

Grieve they do, while I support.

Different ways, we all cope.

Something never caught,

Yet affects all no matter what.

Yesterday.

He in the seat across from me,

Off in space he looks,

His numbness slips my mind,

As thy teacher asks,

“Are you okay?”

With “Yes” he replies

brushing off the emptiness.

A fake smile he proceeds

back he goes to an emotionless face,

I see now, but unseen before.

Tomorrow. 

More emotion-filled.

Compacted greatly, I try to keep.

Holes being made,

Emotions seeping out,

Like a volcanic eruption.

To the car, I run.

Face drips melting tears.

Seeing him everyday, to never again.

Not knowing as that stranger I am,

Filled with regret. 

Together I pull, in a minute's time.

Practicing the words

As if they were mine,

To him, I wish I spoke.

​

This poem is from the perspective of a distant peer who doesn’t know or isn’t entirely close to someone in their class. This person alongside other classmates finds out that their peer has lost their life to a mental illness that nobody knew they had until looking back. This poem runs through the regrets many have because they didn’t say something to possibly change one’s mind of ending their life. It shows how suicide affects all people around whether you knew the person or not. It also shows how you don't see certain things until you look back and reflect. There is a silence talked about, that is heard when you hear the news of someone’s death. It’s a painful silence that nobody wants to experience, but it’s powerful. This poem goes through the process of grief and how a traumatic experience can affect many people differently. All things can drastically change in a short period of time. You see how people feel all kinds of emotions at different times at their own pace.